My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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