HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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