You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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