Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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