Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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