she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
