I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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