i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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