Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
