i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it glows. i had to have it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need a beard to bite.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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