i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
