I can't watch pbs sober anymore
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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