I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i drank out of a bidet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
