my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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