If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Damn victory sex feels great
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
