Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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