hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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