apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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