ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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