Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
