I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
