so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
