I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
