The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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