so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
