Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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