Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize