Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
