Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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