Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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