sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
