i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
