If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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