Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
