My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my shit smells like andre
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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