C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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