I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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