You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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