i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
