At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
