I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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