How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
