i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
