I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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