I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
