He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
