I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
