if you like me you must not know who I am
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
