We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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