i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
