Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
