I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
handjob tips. give me some.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
And then he peed in my hair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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