I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize