Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
