P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
