My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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