I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
