it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
