I just made out with a guy for $7.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
