I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
