it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize