I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize