In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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