I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
