ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
