Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
