haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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