I hate all girls vehemently.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize