Banned from zoo.
Again?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
