Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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